Winter

"I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter
I put my hands in my father's glove
I run off where the drifts get deeper

I hear a voice you must learn to stand up
For yourself cause I can't always be around

He says when you gonna make up your mind
When you gonna love you as much as I do
When you gonna make up your mind
Cause things are gonna change so fast."

Winter ~ Tori Amos

My whole life I have played this childish game with myself. The "I wish it was last week at this time so I would be able to*insert great moment in my life here* game"

For example, I found myself saying today, " I wish it was last week at this time so I would be picking my father up from the airport tomorrow."

I just can't help to play my silly game and wish that I could go back and rewind time. Just once. Please ?!? Oh hell, if I am wishing for something, I might as well wish big and request for the last twenty years of my life back so I can have one re-do.

So what would I change if my wish were granted?

Thats just it, I don't think I would change a damn thing. I would just not take anything for granted. I would enjoy every single moment spent with my father. Looking back on things, it seems as though my childhood went by so fast. Thinking about the responsibilies that come with having a family, I just want to rewind to the time where I can be a care-free child again, while someone takes care of me. It just seems so much easier. Maybe that's why life happens in the chronological order it does, so that we start off as care-free children, taking things for granted, so that when we are adults we will cherish every moment spent with family members.

Sometimes I feel homesick. I cherish when I get the rare opportunity to have a visit from my father, the longing is fulfilled for a short period of time, only to have the homesick feeling be exacerbated once he goes back to his home.

The reality of my game is that this week is over and tomorrow my father will go back home. Go back to his home, while I stay at my home.

The reality is that a genie is not going to come out of a bottle and grant me a rewind of my life.

The reality is that I do have responsibilities, a family, and my own home.

The reality is that I have the moments from this week engrained into my memory and will be able to rewind those back as many times as I wish. And since I am an adult, there is no way in hell I will take these memories for granted.